What are you gonna get done without the all important business card? You think you can make waves in the fast lane without some paper to slap? Think again. If you’re not erroneously filling up someone’s pocketbook you’ll never make your mark. It’s such a given that it seems like more of a chore than anything else.
Exploring the obligatory vistaprint returned yawn worthy pedestrian fare. Slogging through the options garnered few palatable results. Adding images was a rigid affair that chewed up and spat out only foul garbled mockeries of pixel art. No dpi options, no control over compression or filtering – it is truly just hamsters hand keying your .png files in machine language on an Altair over there.
The local print shop of choice has always been friendly, spacey, and slow but eventually they do produce. With assurances that art given would not be tampered with in any way and faithfully reproduced verbatim, some proofs were ran and it immediately became clear that, well, you couldn’t see shit.
What dark curse had materialized this time? Truly the darkest of all – it was way too dark. The attendant’s best attempt to tweak brightness (that’s right brightness only, no contrast control) resulted in something that was possibly 10% brighter, while they touted it as 95% brighter. Clearly some hunt and peck Neanderthal, there was nothing that could be done on-sight. The attendant conceited that new, brighter more contrasty pieces would have to be devised, sent back over and then the new proofs would require a real life person to come back down and bless in person before production commenced.
On a side note, the local shop doesn’t have a sign out front for this but it’s twice as expensive as vistaprint. In the end your two basic options are to buy from a used luxury car dealer or the Borg.
Now for reference please examine the original (far too dark) artwork:
Feeling generous and somewhat anti-Borg the new much brighter works were delivered via sane methods to the locals and new proofs were ready the next day for the whole song and dance again. Bellow are the brighter and brightest versions, which to the layman may appear to look washed out and like shit but are actually still barely bright enough…
The final ended up being the super washed out brightest one, in printed form however it really popped and was by far the clearest. After waiting a week to account for ‘installing new toner’ the coveted paper was finally burdened with my garish works and the final product was signed sealed and delivered. No it had to be picked up actually.
It’s a decent reproduction of the original vision. If one were to select but a few choice words to retain from this account they would be that whenever traveling in person to a print shop bring several copies featuring brightness far into the retina burning range :]